Category: Parenting

10 Commandments of Good Parenting

Does your child have behavior problems? Your relationship with your child likely needs some attention.

  1. What you do matters. “This is one of the most important principles,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “What you do makes a difference. Your kids are watching you. Don’t just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, ‘What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?'”
  2. You cannot be too loving. “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love,” he writes. “What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love — things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions.”

    – 5 Tips For Good Parenting

  3. Be involved in your child’s life.“Being an involved parent takes time and is hardwork, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.”
  4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child. Keep pace with your child’s development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child’s behavior.
  5. Establish and set rules.“If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have hard time learning how to manage him when he is older and you aren’t around.
  6. Foster your child’s independence.“Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she’s going to need both.”
  7. Be consistent.“If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiable.
  8. Avoid harsh discipline.Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances. “Children who are spanked, hit, or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children,” he writes. “They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”
  9. Explain your rules and decisions.“Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to,” he writes. “Generally, parents over explain to young children and under explain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”
  10. Treat your child with respect.“The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully,” Steinberg writes. “You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

Managing Mum Guilt Is a Daily Struggle That I Can’t Win

10 Parenting Tips for Preteens and Tweens

It’s typically between the ages of nine and twelve that our cute, cuddly little children, once so willing to climb into our laps and share their secrets, suddenly want little or nothing to do with us.

  1. Don’t feel rejected by their newfound independence.

It’s appropriate for kids this age to start turning away from their parents and relying more and more on friends, but parents can take their pre-teen’s withdrawal as rejection.

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

  1. Set aside special time with your child.

It’s often tough to get pre-teens to open up and talk. Laura Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist, suggests establishing a special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week that you spend with your tween.

  1. Try the indirect approach.

When they were younger you could ask direct questions. How was school? How did you do on the test? Now, the direct approach — carpet-bombing them with questions about school and their day — doesn’t work.

  1. Don’t be overly judgmental.

“At this age your children are watching you very astutely to hear how judgmental you are,” advises Dr. Steiner-Adair. “They are taking their cues on how you talk about other people’s children, especially children that get into trouble — how that girl dresses, or that boy has good manners or bad manners.

  1. Watch what they watch with them.

Beginning in middle school, watching the stuff that your child wants to watch with him and being able to laugh at it and talk about it is an important way to connect and to be able to discuss subjects that would otherwise be taboo.

  1. Don’t be afraid to start conversations about sex and drugs.

The unfortunate reality is that kids are starting to experiment with drugs and alcohol as early as 9 or 10. And according to Dr. Kirmayer, “Sexual development is a big part of this age.

  1. Don’t overreact.

Dr. Steiner-Adair warns against being thethe mom or dad who, in a bad situation, makes things worse. She gives this example: “Your daughter comes in crying; she wasn’t invited to a sleepover. She sees a photo of it on Instagram or Snapchat. The parent says, ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe you weren’t invited! That’s horrible! I’m going to call the mother.’” The crazy parent amplifies the drama, throwing fuel on the pre-adolescent’s already hyper-reactive flame. They make their kids more upset.

  1. Don’t be “clueless” either.

At the other extreme, don’t be a parent who “just ignores stuff,” says Dr. Steiner-Adair. You risk seeming oblivious or unconcerned to kids.

  1. Encourage sports for girls.

Girls’ self-esteem peaks at the tender age of 9 and then drops off from there, but research shows girls who play on teams have higher self-esteem. Girls on sports teams also tend to do better academically and have fewer body image issues.

  1. Nurture your boy’s emotional side. 

“One of the really hard things for boys at this age is that the messages from the culture about their capacity for love, real friendships, and relationships are so harmful to them,” says Dr. Steiner-Adair. “They say that anything to do with real feelings — love, sadness, vulnerability — is girly, therefore bad.”

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

Things You Should Never, Under Any Circumstances, Say to Your Pregnant Partner

7 Things That Are Infinitely More Amazing When You Become a Mum

Brings a lot of unexpected joys you never would have anticipated in your prechild life: the pride you feel when your child reaches a milestone, the overwhelming love you experience when your kids bond with your own parents.

Being Home Alone . . . Even For an Hour
Maybe you’ve always appreciated your alone time, but once you become a mum, never will you be as excited to be in your own home without another soul in sight. The quiet, the potential to bathe, primp, or just sit without interruption . . .

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

Laundry before kids felt like a chore, even though you probably only did it once or twice a week. Laundry after kids is a daily task that literally does not end. Things only stay clean for maybe an hour, the loads are bigger than you thought humanly possible, and you spend the time you once used for books and TV shows folding all those clothes. But on those rare weekends when your kids are with their grandparents and you only have to do your laundry and absolutely no one else’s? The joy is hard to put into words.

Cooking Just 1 Dinner

Pat yourself on the back if you’ve trained your kids to consume the same dinner you and your partner also eat every night. The rest of us are dreaming about that day while we spend hours preparing separate meals for every picky eater in our family who all claim to be starving while also saying nothing sounds good.

Being Bored

Boredom isn’t anyone’s desired state . . . until you become a mum and realize there’s not a second you’re not busy or overwhelmed. Those rare times when you do find yourself with some unexpected downtime with nothing on your to-do list are pretty wonderful.

Taking a Long Flight Solo

After you’ve experienced the hell that is flying with babies and toddlers, even sitting in the smallest coach seat on the longest flight ever sounds amazing — as long as you get to do it all by your lonesome. With nowhere to go and nothing to do but read that book you’ve been trying to get through for the last six months or watch movies that aren’t animated, a solo cross-country flight is a simple pleasure.

Commuting

Traffic sucks, but doesn’t a moderate commute (let’s say 20 to 30 minutes) every day sound pretty awesome, assuming there are absolutely no kids in your car? You could catch up on podcasts, rock out to NSFW music, or just soak up the simple sounds of the morning rush around you.

Sleeping Until 8 A.M.

Before kids, I never woke up before 8 a.m., still managed to get to my desk before 9 every morning, and still acted like getting up so early was torture. These days, I’m happy if the clock says 6-something when my kids get me up, and the thought of being able to stay in bed until 8 sounds like a version of heaven.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

Unique Mobiles That Will Do More Than Put Your Baby to Sleep 

7 Creative Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Do Their Homework

It’s hard to get kids excited about things they don’t want to do, like going to sleep, eating their veggies, and, yes, doing their homework. While some children are natural overachievers who enjoy school and relish in homework time, many children will rebel.

And usually, once your child has it in their mind that they don’t want to do something, it can be difficult to convince them otherwise. To help with this, we’ve come up with seven creative solutions to help get them excited about doing their homework (and doing it well!).

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

  1. Make a Colorful Workstation

Any adult who has a desk knows that having a colorful, inspiring workspace can really help you with creativity and productivity. The same can be said for a child’s workstation! Whether they have their own desk in their room or have a workspace in a common area of your home, decorate it with things they are inspired by (colored pencils, a fun eraser, etc.) so that homework time is more fun.

  1. Give Them a Reward

Rewarding your child for doing their homework can be a little controversial, but when done right, it’s very effective. Some parents choose to reward their children with food or toys, but the reward can even be as simple as an hour of TV time or a creative, fun activity. Whatever your child’s natural instincts, abilities, and interests, choose a reward that will motivate them to finish their homework.

  1. Praise Your Child

Rewards don’t necessarily have to be tangible objects. If you’re uncomfortable with physical rewards, consider using praise as a reward. Children are often concerned with pleasing their parents, so if you establish that completing homework results in praise, they may be more willing to do their homework on a regular basis.

  1. Establish a Homework Routine

Most children work better when a routine is established, so consider setting aside a certain time for homework every day after school. You can also let them have an hour or so after they get home to watch TV or have a snack first.

  1. Let Your Child Decide When Homework Time Is

It can be hard to make children do something they don’t want to do, so letting them have some level of agency and choice when it comes to their homework can really help motivate them. Instead of telling them when homework time is, sit them down and let them choose what works best for them. Maybe your child prefers to do their homework immediately when they get home from school, whereas some children need a break beforehand.

  1. Encourage Using Technology

There are likely many ways your child uses an iPad or computer that are not homework-related, but instead of telling them to put down their devices during homework time, see if there are ways they can use technology to help them. The internet can be a powerful tool for studying and research, and there are lots of apps available that can help your child with spelling, math, and other subjects.

  1. Make Homework Their Responsibility

Homework is a great way to teach your children responsibility ultimately, the only person who is impacted by whether or not they complete their homework is your child. Make sure they understand the implications of not doing their homework and, if necessary, let them find out the hard way. Making homework your child’s responsibility will help them to see the direct results of their actions.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

Why I’m Handpicking Some Dads for My Son

 

5 Tips to Help With One of Parenting’s Most Dreaded Struggles: Taking the Dummy Away

 The dummy is a vital and amazing parenting tool. It soothes babies when they’re cranky, keeps them calm during car rides, and distracts them during sometimes daunting public outings like grocery shopping.

It gives your nipples or arms a much-needed break from nursing or holding your baby when they need comforting. It also gives your little one the ability to drift off to sleep in their crib without a ton of help from you.

Keep the habit brief. Removing the dummy sooner rather than later will help make the whole ordeal less of a mountain to climb. Trust me; removing the pacifier from a toddler is much more difficult than removing it from a 10-month-old or a 6-month-old.

Give it to the “Dummy Fairy.” Get creative with how you’re giving away the pacifier. You can explain to your child that you gave the binky to the “Dummy Fairy,” who brings them to new babies in need. And as a reward for their generosity and ability to share, they will receive a prize, or something special to graduate them to official “big boy/girl” status.

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

 

Make it taste bad. Ask your pediatrician and pharmacist about what you can use to “flavour” the dummy safely to make it taste undesirable to your child. Your kiddo will cut the habit quickly for sure!

Try the cold turkey method. This won’t be easy, but you can explain to your little one (if they’re at an age where they can understand) that on X date, the dummy goes away. No excuses or delaying. Just suck it up. It might be a headache in the beginning, but it’ll all be worth it once your baby forgets all about their dummy.

Go slowly and pick certain times. If you’re not into the cold turkey method, try picking certain times to let the baby have the pacifier . . . and eliminate others. Maybe they can’t have the dummy during the day, but can use it during naps and at night. Then, drop the dummy during naps, etc. This will make the process go more slowly, but perhaps with fewer tears for baby (and you).

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

Truths About Being an Extroverted Parent According to Experts

10 Things You Really Shouldn’t Say To Moms With Multiple Children

Before you pelt an insensitive comment at a mom with several children, consider if you’d like to be on the receiving end.

“Boy, you sure have your hands full!”

No kidding. Our ears, car, house and heart are also full. In the midst of a stressful shopping trip with multiple (or any) children, the last thing we need is someone to state the obvious.

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

“I don’t know how you do it.”

Well, the truth is, some days we simply “don’t do it.” Some people must think that moms with several children are “super moms” and can do everything. Though there are a few moms that probably can and do, the majority of us slack off frequently. We get tired. We let the dishes pile up.

“You know how that happens, right?”

People seem to be joking when they say this, but if we didn’t know about the “birds and the bees” prior to our first child, we certainly figured out by the second, if not the third.

“Looks like Dad needs to get a fishing pole.”

Someone literally said this to me one summer while I was shopping with my six young children. I didn’t know how to take it and just replied, “Or Mom needs a spa day!” Did he mean that Dad needs a break from all the kids? Or that he needs to take all of his kids fishing? Or was he intruding on our sex-life by saying Dad needs a hobby away from the bedroom? It seems that nothing is taboo in public conversations with strangers.

“These all from the same lot?”

That phrase was thrown at me while shopping with my first three kids who all happened to have different colored hair. I’m thinking I need a shirt that says, “I only have one baby-daddy,” or something.

“Lots of helpers!”

I’m hoping people are sarcastic when they say this. Since when has a store trip (or anything, for that matter) been made any easier by the “help” of young children? I’m thinking that these well-meaning souls either one, never had kids; two, it’s been a long time since they’ve had kids; or (most likely) three, have permanent brain damage inflicted by having children.

“Are you done?” or “Are you having any more?”

This doesn’t really need further explanation. But, whether you want to know if we’re crazy enough to have more kids or if we are finally done reproducing, it’s for us to know and you not to worry about.

“Enjoy these days. They grow up so fast.”

Eventually, busy moms may miss the days of having young children, but while in the thick of chaos, stress and exhaustion, it adds to the stress to focus on whether we are “enjoying” this insane time in our life. We do our best trying to soak up every minute of motherhood, but mostly, we are just trying to survive.

“The silent stare”

Granted, this one isn’t verbal, but is equally tactless. Staring down a mom with a bunch of kids for any reason is not a great idea.

We’re probably doing the best we know how to keep them all under control while still getting our errands done. If you must say something, make sure it’s polite, non-intrusive and helpful. Try:

“What beautiful children!”

“Great job, Mom!”

“What well-behaved children you have.”

Some thoughtless statements can hurt, like pouring salt in a wound. If you must say something, keep it positive, uplifting or some way helpful to these moms that are doing the best they can. Remember the popularrule, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn …

Tips For Parenting in Public

 

4 Steps to Fit Your Parenting to Your Child’s Temperament

Every child is different, so learning their temperament differences can help you custom fit your parenting style to their needs.

 Dr. Sam Goldstein, a psychologist who specializes in children. He believes these four steps can help you better understand your child’s nature, how it affects the way they interact with the world and how you can adjust your parenting to help them be their best selves:

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

Step 1: Get educated.

First, you must understand and accept your child’s disposition and what is reasonable to expect from him.

 Dr. Sam Goldstein also says to remember that every child is different and can’t necessarily be parented the same way with the same results.

Step 2: Measure your mindset.

After learning how your child perceives and experiences the world, you must then manage your feelings and thoughts about it, Dr. Goldstein says.

“We all think of ourselves as potentially perfect parents with perfect children,” he says. “Parents have to consider their mindsets about what their child is struggling with.”

Step 3: Make appropriate adjustments.

Next, you can begin what Dr. Goldstein and psychologists call “environmental management” to address any issues your child has.

“Try and manage the environment in such a way that it gives the child reasonable opportunities to try things, but doesn’t push them so hard that the probability of success decreases,” he says. “Because [if that happens], they never move forward.”

Step 4: Work together as parents.

Like all parenting, both you and your partner have to be on the same page about your child and your parenting techniques.

Only when both of you come to an agreement about your child’s temperament—and the chosen ways to encourage the child—can you raise that child to be her best self.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

5 ways to be a better parent

The 10 Most Powerful Things You Can Say to Your Kids

Effective conversation helps parents create lasting, meaningful relationships with their kids. These 10 powerful statements can get you started on your way.

1. I like you.

This is a different statement from “I love you.” This statement says, “I like who you are as a person.” Use them both.

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

2. You’re a fast learner.

Learning is natural. Young children are amazing at it. Learning is play to them. What you say to them early influences how they relate to learning later in life, when it can be more difficult or frustrating.

3. Thank you.

Simple courtesies are a sign of respect. Social skills are critical in life and the best training for tact and grace starts early.

4. How about we agree to…

This is about establishing a few basic agreements that set the stage for how you work together within the family. Having agreements in place helps avoid common issues and provides a framework within which to solve problems when they do arise.

5. Tell me more.

This is a request for your children to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas with you. It also involves learning to listen, which is always a gift because it signals that you care.

6. Let’s read.

Reading to your kids brings so many benefits. It helps them build skills they need for success in life. It enriches your relationship and instills a love of learning. And books provide a gateway to the world—people, places and ideas.

7. We all make mistakes.

Problems happen. No one is perfect. Dealing with problems and learning from mistakes are vital life skills. When you have a moment in which you don’t live up to your own standards, it’s an opportunity to show your children how to take responsibility for mistakes and move on. Kids can beat themselves up over not meeting your expectations or not being perfect. Giving each other a little room around this is a gift for both of you.

8. I’m sorry.

It’s something you can learn to say. Better yet, learn to catch yourself before saying something that might later require an apology.

9. What do you think?

Asking for input and giving kids a chance to be part of family conversations lets them learn to exercise their decision-making skills and begin to take responsibility for their choices. Expressing what you think and asking for what you want are fundamental skills that will serve your children throughout their lives.

10. Yes.

While I do think “no” is still a viable option at times, too often parents are “a ‘no’ waiting to happen.” If you create a pattern of “yes” in your family, you’ll find that “no” doesn’t need to be said as often as you think.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn…

5 Tips For Good Parenting 

The Two Most Impactful Words I Say to My Kids

It’s a rare day in our house if I don’t hear some type of whining from our kids. It usually starts early in the morning, especially if it’s a school day. “I don’t want to go to school. I want to stay home today,” my 5-year-old daughter will lead with.

Taking the bait, I’ll usually counter with encouraging words.

“School will be fun. You’ll get to see your friends and go to music class. You love music,” I say, in my most upbeat tone.

 One particular Friday morning after a long week, I was too exhausted to engage in our usual dialogue. The complaints started flowing. “I don’t want to go to before/after school care today. I want to be at home in my pajamas,” my daughter moaned.

Instead of turning into a cheerleader, I looked at my daughter through tired eyes and I said, “I understand.”

Bewildered, she didn’t say anything at all. After a few moments of silence, she asked, puzzled, “You do?”

“Yes,” I continued. “I understand. I know exactly what it’s like to have to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Thanks,” she said as I watched her mind start to wander. “Can you pack me a treat in my lunch today?”

Huh? That was it? No more the-world-is-going-to-end-if-I-have-to-go-to-school-today sob story? I said something that worked? I started repeating those two words after every negative, whining sentence that came out of her mouth.

“I don’t want chicken for dinner.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“I understand.”

 “I don’t Iike going to church.”

“I understand.”

Every time I said those magic words, they seemed to grow more and more power. My daughter needs to be heard and validated. She needs to get it out and have her voice be recognized. Once she’s done that, she can move on with her day. Empathy with children is so often overlooked as we try to pound into them our responsible, adult mentalities.

 In the past, I would try to apply my logic to her emotions in ways that made sense to me.

“We couldn’t go to Vivenne’s party this year because we were out of town. I bet you’ll be invited next year, and we can definitely try to make it next year,” I’d say, trying to reason with her while she’s wailing uncontrollably. My rational logic cannot rival her intense feelings. I’ve learned to hold her, tell her I understand, and allow this wave to crash. I’ve embraced the power in empathy. It’s become my new secret parenting weapon.

The other morning our 2-year-old was shaking his head with force repeating “No, NO, NOO. No school today!” My daughter gave him a hug and said, “It’s okay, buddy. I understand how you feel.” Apparently, empathy is catching on.

Source:

Watch This Video To Learn..

5 Tips to Taking the Dummy Away 

 

The Two Most Impactful Words I Say to My Kids

It’s a rare day in our house if I don’t hear some type of whining from our kids. It usually starts early in the morning, especially if it’s a school day. “I don’t want to go to school. I want to stay home today,” my 5-year-old daughter will lead with.

Taking the bait, I’ll usually counter with encouraging words.

“School will be fun. You’ll get to see your friends and go to music class. You love music,” I say, in my most upbeat tone.

– 5 Tips For Good Parenting

One particular Friday morning after a long week, I was too exhausted to engage in our usual dialogue. The complaints started flowing. “I don’t want to go to before/after school care today. I want to be at home in my pajamas,” my daughter moaned.

Instead of turning into a cheerleader, I looked at my daughter through tired eyes and I said, “I understand.”

Bewildered, she didn’t say anything at all. After a few moments of silence, she asked, puzzled, “You do?”

“Yes,” I continued. “I understand. I know exactly what it’s like to have to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Thanks,” she said as I watched her mind start to wander. “Can you pack me a treat in my lunch today?”

Huh? That was it? No more the-world-is-going-to-end-if-I-have-to-go-to-school-today sob story? I said something that worked? I started repeating those two words after every negative, whining sentence that came out of her mouth.

“I don’t want chicken for dinner.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t Iike going to church.”

“I understand.”

Every time I said those magic words, they seemed to grow more and more power. My daughter needs to be heard and validated. She needs to get it out and have her voice be recognized. Once she’s done that, she can move on with her day. Empathy with children is so often overlooked as we try to pound into them our responsible, adult mentalities.

In the past, I would try to apply my logic to her emotions in ways that made sense to me.

“We couldn’t go to Vivenne’s party this year because we were out of town. I bet you’ll be invited next year, and we can definitely try to make it next year,” I’d say, trying to reason with her while she’s wailing uncontrollably. My rational logic cannot rival her intense feelings. I’ve learned to hold her, tell her I understand, and allow this wave to crash. I’ve embraced the power in empathy. It’s become my new secret parenting weapon.

The other morning our 2-year-old was shaking his head with force repeating “No, NO, NOO. No school today!” My daughter gave him a hug and said, “It’s okay, buddy. I understand how you feel.” Apparently, empathy is catching on.

Watch This Video To Learn..

The 10 Most Powerful Things You Can Say to Your Kids